Michael F. Mascolo, Ph.D.
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| & ASSOCIATES |
Personal and Relationship Coaching
Conflict Management
Child and Adult Development
Conflict Management
Child and Adult Development
Thomas Jefferson was a great thinker, statesman and writer. But there were one or two things he perhaps
didn’t get quite right.
First, of course, his penmanship was atrocious. What is this business about the pursuit of happinefs?
Happinefs? Didn’t our third President know the difference between an “s” and an “f”? (Actually, no one less
than Ben Franklin chided TJ about the “long s” in the Declaration.)
But there may have been something amiss that was even more important than Jesserfon’s penmanship. Yes
– the very concept of the “pursuit of happiness” itself. Jefferson, of course, was writing a political treatise.
His point was to eliminate the shackles of tyranny from individual freedom.
But the phrase “pursuit of happiness” suggests that “happiness” is some sort of thing or goal that a person
can pursue and attain. It’s like working toward a college degree. A person works hard. She gets her
degree! There it is! I have it in my hands!
But while one can pursue a college degree (and it may or may not make one happy in the moment), genuine
happiness is not like this. Happiness is not a thing or a state that can be pursued and possessed.
A few minutes of reflection will show why this is the case. When we think about our lives, we often try to
imagine what it is that will make us happy. What will make me happy? The question itself prompts us to look
for some thing, some state, one outcome that we can attain that, once we attain it, will make us happy. We
then think, “If I only had _____, I would be happy” or “Once I _____, I will be happy”.
But let’s think about the times when you were most happy? Think of some events that have made you
happy. What are they? I felt happy when “…I did well on my test”; “when I got the job I wanted...” ; “…when
she said ‘yes’!”; “…when I got married”, “when my child was born…”
To be sure, someone who experiences any of these events is likely to feel happy at the outcome. But how
long does the feeling of happiness last? In general, not very long. We feel happy when we get what we
want, but the happy feeling fades quickly. Now we are on to the next thing that we want. And then the next,
and the next. Happiness becomes and elusive goal.
Some people think that happiness results from having a lot of money. One need only look at what happens
to many winners of the lottery to see that this is not the case. Such people report a temporary rise in their
feelings of happiness. But after a few months, they report feeling about as happy as they were before they
won the lottery. Many people who win the lottery actually experience significant adjustment problems.
So, just what is this elusive happiness?
The most important point is to note that genuine happiness is not a feeling or state to be attained. Once we
do something that makes us “feel” happiness – that is, to have the experience of joy – we quickly adapt. Our
“feelings” of happiness abate. Happiness is not so much a feeling as it is a judgment – a judgment about
how our life is going. It is a judgment about the quality of the life that we are living. It is a judgment about the
goodness of our lives as we live them over time.
If we want to move toward a more happy life, perhaps the first step is to see that what we are after is not the
feeling of joy or happiness. Further, we are not after things, states or outcomes that will bring us happy or
joyful feelings. Instead, the happy life is a life that we can reflect upon and see as good or meaningful.
Happiness results from the process of living a good life.
And, so what makes for a good and happy life? There are many answers to this question. But the most
important have to do with loving relationships, meaningful work, health, and -- believe it or not -- living up to
our ideals of what we take to be the good. A moral life -- a life in which we pursue virtue and moral
excellence -- is part of what it means to live a good life. See other articles in this series for further
elaboration on this point.
didn’t get quite right.
First, of course, his penmanship was atrocious. What is this business about the pursuit of happinefs?
Happinefs? Didn’t our third President know the difference between an “s” and an “f”? (Actually, no one less
than Ben Franklin chided TJ about the “long s” in the Declaration.)
But there may have been something amiss that was even more important than Jesserfon’s penmanship. Yes
– the very concept of the “pursuit of happiness” itself. Jefferson, of course, was writing a political treatise.
His point was to eliminate the shackles of tyranny from individual freedom.
But the phrase “pursuit of happiness” suggests that “happiness” is some sort of thing or goal that a person
can pursue and attain. It’s like working toward a college degree. A person works hard. She gets her
degree! There it is! I have it in my hands!
But while one can pursue a college degree (and it may or may not make one happy in the moment), genuine
happiness is not like this. Happiness is not a thing or a state that can be pursued and possessed.
A few minutes of reflection will show why this is the case. When we think about our lives, we often try to
imagine what it is that will make us happy. What will make me happy? The question itself prompts us to look
for some thing, some state, one outcome that we can attain that, once we attain it, will make us happy. We
then think, “If I only had _____, I would be happy” or “Once I _____, I will be happy”.
But let’s think about the times when you were most happy? Think of some events that have made you
happy. What are they? I felt happy when “…I did well on my test”; “when I got the job I wanted...” ; “…when
she said ‘yes’!”; “…when I got married”, “when my child was born…”
To be sure, someone who experiences any of these events is likely to feel happy at the outcome. But how
long does the feeling of happiness last? In general, not very long. We feel happy when we get what we
want, but the happy feeling fades quickly. Now we are on to the next thing that we want. And then the next,
and the next. Happiness becomes and elusive goal.
Some people think that happiness results from having a lot of money. One need only look at what happens
to many winners of the lottery to see that this is not the case. Such people report a temporary rise in their
feelings of happiness. But after a few months, they report feeling about as happy as they were before they
won the lottery. Many people who win the lottery actually experience significant adjustment problems.
So, just what is this elusive happiness?
The most important point is to note that genuine happiness is not a feeling or state to be attained. Once we
do something that makes us “feel” happiness – that is, to have the experience of joy – we quickly adapt. Our
“feelings” of happiness abate. Happiness is not so much a feeling as it is a judgment – a judgment about
how our life is going. It is a judgment about the quality of the life that we are living. It is a judgment about the
goodness of our lives as we live them over time.
If we want to move toward a more happy life, perhaps the first step is to see that what we are after is not the
feeling of joy or happiness. Further, we are not after things, states or outcomes that will bring us happy or
joyful feelings. Instead, the happy life is a life that we can reflect upon and see as good or meaningful.
Happiness results from the process of living a good life.
And, so what makes for a good and happy life? There are many answers to this question. But the most
important have to do with loving relationships, meaningful work, health, and -- believe it or not -- living up to
our ideals of what we take to be the good. A moral life -- a life in which we pursue virtue and moral
excellence -- is part of what it means to live a good life. See other articles in this series for further
elaboration on this point.
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Michael F. Mascolo, Ph.D. |