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what happens to them. But what about the rest of us? We hear quite often that that it is possible to simply
“choose” to be happy. While there is an element of truth to this, it’s not as simple as that. We can choose to
How can we develop the skill of choosing happiness? One way to do so is to start with “the most important
question.” Whenever things aren’t going your way, a key to turning it around – not only in the moment itself
but in life – is to ask yourself:
What does this moment have to offer?
Let me try to explain why this is such an important question to ask yourself, and just how you can put this
question into practice in order to develop the skill of being happy.
Why is this question such an important one? When we think about happiness, we often think about it as
something that happens to us. We often think that it is an event that causes us to be happy or that will
cause us to be happy. We say, “I was so happy that I got the job”, “you make me so happy,” or even “spring
makes me happy”. But, in the end, it is never the job or one’s partner or the chocolate in and of itself that
makes us happy. It’s how we interpret the job, our partner or the coming of spring.
The fact is that any of these “good” things can make us feel any different emotion, depending upon how we
interpret them. For example, if I want the job, I may feel happy that I got it. If I think that I might not be able to
succeed at the job, I may feel worried or anxious. If the job is a dangerous one, I might feel afraid. If the job
is not the one I wanted, I might feel sad, disappointed, or even ashamed.
So, it’s not the event that makes us happy; it’s how we approach, interpret or experience the event.
In his book, How to Live in this World and Still be Happy, Hugh Prather writes, “Is it possible to say, ‘Nothing
has to go right today’ and still be happy? In fact, it’s the only way.”
That’s a pretty profound statement in a pithy little package. What it says is that it’s not the situation that
makes us happy. We have to find ways to make ourselves happy. But how?
We can increase our appreciation of any situation that we are in by asking the most important question:
“What does this moment have to offer?”
In experiencing any event, we can virtually always find good things, bad things and neutral things. Any event
offers us all of these; it is up to us to develop the skill to find the good, deal with the bad, and work to make
the future better.
So, imagine the following scenario. You get up in the morning, sleepy and bleary-eyed. You stumble
downstairs for your morning caffeine. You open the canister of coffee and find, to your dismay, that the
coffee is gone! Argh! This is not a happy event! What’s a sleepy person to do?
Step 1: Stop. Interrupt your normal course of activity.
Step 2: Breathe. Breathe in and breathe out. Concentrate on your breathing. Really feel your breathe come
inside of you and then leave. You might even close your eyes. When you breathe, you center yourself. You
re-center yourself around your breathing.
Step 3: Ask yourself, “What does this moment have to offer?” Even though we love our coffee, the moment
may offer a variety of good and wonderful things.
For example, although I don’t have my cherished coffee, I did want to try some Earl Gray Tea. This moment
offers that. I can go to Starbuck’s or Ziggy’s Donuts for my coffee. Hey! I won’t have to make it this
morning! This moment offers that. I can invite my spouse, son or daughter, friend or colleague for coffee
with me. This moment offers that.
The moment also offers other opportunities. As I reflect upon the moment – while breathing consciously (don’
t forget your center) -- I see that I failed to plan last night. I didn’t buy the coffee for today. So I forgive
myself and then make a plan: I will check my coffee supply every Friday night. This moment offered me the
opportunity for some personal development.
And when all else fails – and it will – all moments offer you something very special: Your breathing.
Breathe. Even right now. Breathing feels good; it centers us. When all else fails, I always have my
breathing to which I can return, feel centered, and begin again to appreciate what is good in the day and in
life.
Further Reading
Prather, H. (2002). How to Live in this World and Still be Happy. Red Wheel/Weiser.
Baker, D., & Stauth, C. (2004). What Happy People Know: How the New Science of Happiness Can Change
Your Life. St. Martin’s Griffin.
“choose” to be happy. While there is an element of truth to this, it’s not as simple as that. We can choose to
How can we develop the skill of choosing happiness? One way to do so is to start with “the most important
question.” Whenever things aren’t going your way, a key to turning it around – not only in the moment itself
but in life – is to ask yourself:
What does this moment have to offer?
Let me try to explain why this is such an important question to ask yourself, and just how you can put this
question into practice in order to develop the skill of being happy.
Why is this question such an important one? When we think about happiness, we often think about it as
something that happens to us. We often think that it is an event that causes us to be happy or that will
cause us to be happy. We say, “I was so happy that I got the job”, “you make me so happy,” or even “spring
makes me happy”. But, in the end, it is never the job or one’s partner or the chocolate in and of itself that
makes us happy. It’s how we interpret the job, our partner or the coming of spring.
The fact is that any of these “good” things can make us feel any different emotion, depending upon how we
interpret them. For example, if I want the job, I may feel happy that I got it. If I think that I might not be able to
succeed at the job, I may feel worried or anxious. If the job is a dangerous one, I might feel afraid. If the job
is not the one I wanted, I might feel sad, disappointed, or even ashamed.
So, it’s not the event that makes us happy; it’s how we approach, interpret or experience the event.
In his book, How to Live in this World and Still be Happy, Hugh Prather writes, “Is it possible to say, ‘Nothing
has to go right today’ and still be happy? In fact, it’s the only way.”
That’s a pretty profound statement in a pithy little package. What it says is that it’s not the situation that
makes us happy. We have to find ways to make ourselves happy. But how?
We can increase our appreciation of any situation that we are in by asking the most important question:
“What does this moment have to offer?”
In experiencing any event, we can virtually always find good things, bad things and neutral things. Any event
offers us all of these; it is up to us to develop the skill to find the good, deal with the bad, and work to make
the future better.
So, imagine the following scenario. You get up in the morning, sleepy and bleary-eyed. You stumble
downstairs for your morning caffeine. You open the canister of coffee and find, to your dismay, that the
coffee is gone! Argh! This is not a happy event! What’s a sleepy person to do?
Step 1: Stop. Interrupt your normal course of activity.
Step 2: Breathe. Breathe in and breathe out. Concentrate on your breathing. Really feel your breathe come
inside of you and then leave. You might even close your eyes. When you breathe, you center yourself. You
re-center yourself around your breathing.
Step 3: Ask yourself, “What does this moment have to offer?” Even though we love our coffee, the moment
may offer a variety of good and wonderful things.
For example, although I don’t have my cherished coffee, I did want to try some Earl Gray Tea. This moment
offers that. I can go to Starbuck’s or Ziggy’s Donuts for my coffee. Hey! I won’t have to make it this
morning! This moment offers that. I can invite my spouse, son or daughter, friend or colleague for coffee
with me. This moment offers that.
The moment also offers other opportunities. As I reflect upon the moment – while breathing consciously (don’
t forget your center) -- I see that I failed to plan last night. I didn’t buy the coffee for today. So I forgive
myself and then make a plan: I will check my coffee supply every Friday night. This moment offered me the
opportunity for some personal development.
And when all else fails – and it will – all moments offer you something very special: Your breathing.
Breathe. Even right now. Breathing feels good; it centers us. When all else fails, I always have my
breathing to which I can return, feel centered, and begin again to appreciate what is good in the day and in
life.
Further Reading
Prather, H. (2002). How to Live in this World and Still be Happy. Red Wheel/Weiser.
Baker, D., & Stauth, C. (2004). What Happy People Know: How the New Science of Happiness Can Change
Your Life. St. Martin’s Griffin.
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